As It Stands

It would be a good idea, I think, to take a moment to write on whereabouts my life is at. To sum it all up, so to speak. Big-picture style. I've been floating around the apartment all day, tidying, twiddling my thumbs, and putting off doing dishes. Blog update time.
I have mentioned the word "crossroads" in the "about me" tidbit of this page, and I'd like to expand on that. I've recently become engaged, a wonderfully, blissfully daunting fact that I'm just trying to enjoy, rather than stress about, though stress is looming on the horizon. The word "fiance" sounds funny when I say it out loud. I try not to. I am so in love that it's disgusting, and I am already living my Happily Ever After with the man of my dreams. Marriage for me is really just going to be the icing, so I'm not going to let the planning process get in the way of my happiness, as I understand it so often can.
On top of that, last week I finally quit my soul-sucking job, with no real plan. Now, before you tisk-tisk and wag a judging finger, I have to clarify that said job was making my life a living hell. Literally, I was living my life and hating every minute I spent there with a negative passion that I honestly didn't think I had in me, and what with the engagement and generally trying to better myself and my situation in life, I just was not going to stand for it anymore. Hooray for me. So, here I sit, on a Monday, floating, twiddling, cleaning, blogging and LOVING IT.
In two days, I will be headed to a meditation retreat, Phase II of "Making My Life More Awesome." I have to say, though, that I'm getting really, really nervous. I mean, this thing is serious. I will be gone for 12 days, day 1 and 12 are check-in and check-out. The other 10 days are no speaking, no reading, no writing, and no exercising allowed, and you pretty much meditate for 8-10 hours. All day. Every day. They feed you, and you attend some short lectures, but it's all about isolation. It's just you and your thoughts for 10 days of guided meditation. I plan to do a lot of work on myself, and also to not go insane. I talk a lot, and when I'm not talking, I'm singing, and when I'm not talking or singing, I'm reading, and if I'm not talking, singing or reading, I'm writing and you can kind of see how this makes me worry that I'm totally going to lose my mind. In the end, I am convinced that it's going to do me a lot of good. Apparently most people who leave do so on the 2nd or the 6th day, for some reason, and those who make it all the way through walk out with a new perspective on life, a calmer temperament and just generally feeling great. I want this. So, hopefully I'll go there and not chicken out and come out of it ready for starting fresh, finding a great job, and getting a marriage license.
I feel like everything in my life is just starting to fall into place. I'm happier than I can ever remember being in my life. I have a loving and supportive man-friend, I am surrounded by incredible people, and the best family a girl could ask for. And although I do have a lot of stuff to figure out, I'm actually looking forward to the process. It's going to be a lot of fun! I'll close out this short-but-sweet, feel-good, energizing post with a farewell, as I won't be anywhere near technology for 12 days, but also with a promise that I will divulge all of my new profoundness and zen-ified thoughts in the next post. Au revoir!! Souhaitez moi bonne chance!!

In The Beginning

Personally, I prefer the Finish over the Start. Almost every time. In track, nothing is worse than the wormy, squishy feeling on your insides when you're pretty much upside-down on those blocks and you know the man with the gun in his hand is about to set it all off and you're like, "Oh, shit, I forgot to pee!" or something like that but it's way too late now and you're going to have to run this whole thing with that on your mind and it's going to suck reeeal bad... But the end is glorious! Not only is it relief, it's triumph! Accomplishment! Success!
And so, I've come to realize that a lot of times things are going to suck reeeal bad before they get better. But it's because of the Suck Process that things do get better! I know that the start is going to almost always be uncomfortable or unpleasant, but the feeling of accomplishment afterwards makes the world beautiful.
I've noticed that there hasn't really been a lot of that in my life, probably even since high school track. I've reached the Now What point, and I'm doing a kind of flail-dance. Well, I'm going to go ahead and do some self-therapy and put my English degree to good use! (hahahah. that's funny.)  I'm putting my thoughts, my hopes, and my secrets out in the universe, with almost no expectations other than finally just writing, something that I have always loved but for no known reason has terrified me thus far.
I'm going to dominate that fear. I'm going to cross that finish line and relish this seemingly tiny accomplishment. It's one thing that I can cross off of my Life To-Do List.
So, here we go! Wish me luck.